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I Am Not Who I Was Before

by Swallowed by the Sun

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1.
I close my eyes but you never seem to disappear You haunt my dreams You haunt my dreams Like a needles’ sting in a phantom limb you’re still here You’re poison to me You’re poison to me These broken memories like songs that I hear Spin their sweet lies and then disappear I told myself I’d never drink that wine again But here’s to old friends Here’s to old friends Stumbling out of time I know how this night will end Still I pretend Still I pretend These broken memories like songs that I hear Spin their sweet lies and then disappear These broken memories like songs that I hear Spin their sweet lies and then disappear
2.
Black Widow 02:42
Your life is littered with bones Of the folks you used to know Cause you prefer to be alone, don’t you You’d invite them all inside Just so you could suck ’em dry What a beautiful web you weave Twisting Caught in your web And I can’t escape You sit and you spin Choosing your friends And intricate arrangement that only serves your ends You offer up advice Before they think twice Your smooth manipulation’s got them clamped down in your vice Twisting Caught in your web And I can’t escape No I can’t escape Give and take, give and take But I’ve given it all Still you want, still you want Just a little bit more, just a little bit more Easy come, easy go And it’s barely a sting Always looking for who tomorrow will bring Who tomorrow will... Twisting Caught in your web And I can’t escape No I can’t escape
3.
I remember Sunday nights When life was lived in black and white With all the answers at my beck and call Then came the days of North and South And all the hurt spilled from my mouth Was just a taste of what it meant to fall Once the arrogance of youth is gone Everything falls away ’til all that’s left is the core I know I am not who I was before I went off to see the world You settled down and had a girl I guess that we were never meant to be Now we live on two different coasts Guess that what I miss the most Is the feeling of endless opportunity Once the vibrancy of youth is gone Everything falls away ’til all that’s left is the core I know I am not who I was before Pressure comes and pressure goes And only broken seeds will grow I can’t say I’ve welcomed all the pain Heartache found me anyway Still it finds me to this day Like a plow-blade breaking up this hard terrain Once the innocence of youth is gone Everything falls away ’til all that’s left is the core I know I am not who I was before
4.
Reflection 03:28
You were born with sunshine on your face Rays of light to lead your days The world spread out before you Your heart was full your head was clear You never doubted, never feared The world spread out before you But now you’re old, you’re tired You stare into the glass At a stranger looking back You see the light, the life That used to burn so bright Now dying in your eyes You set your jaw, walked out the door Your heart was set on distant shores The world spread out before you The trip was longer than you thought it’d be You spent your life half lost at sea The world moved on without you And now you’re old, you’re tired You stare into the glass At a stranger looking back You see the light, the life That used to burn so bright Now dying in your eyes How Did it get to this How Did I get to this Now I’m old, I’m tired I stare into the glass At a stranger looking back I see the light, the life That used to burn so bright Now dying in my eyes
5.
Dreams of my youth Are haunting, haunting me Ghosts I can’t undo Wander freely through the corridors of my mind Through the hollows of my heart They’re looking, looking for a home Cause they never, never found a life with me They’re looking, looking for a home Cause they never found a life with me Echoes of your love Dance around my empty room Their footsteps still fall on deaf ears Cause they never found purchase On the steep stone face of my bitter broken heart They’re looking, looking for a home Cause they never, never found a life with me They’re looking, looking for a home Cause they never found a life with me I know I pushed you away But nothing good ever stays I’ve always been a runaway Looking for a home I’m still looking, looking for a home Will I ever, ever find a home I’m still looking, looking for a home

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released July 2, 2013

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